A year can make such a huge difference. Last year this time of the year I was in therapy, barely holding myself together and I was dreading Valentine’s Day.
I’d had one hell of the last quarter of 2018 and in the process I’d lost myself, my drive and my will to go on!
I found myself crying on the bathroom floor way into the wee hours of the night. Many times, I was barely able to breathe as I tried to force myself to sleep for months!
I went from bar to therapy to home everyday like clock works!
Ultimately, I wasn’t even really running my business!
My whole life seemed like it was falling apart and I was begging God to deliver me! I needed strength and the will to live from above.
The thing about depression is no matter who you talk to or how many time, no one understands you completely or at all.
The best most will do is; they’ll make you feel worse for going through “unreasonable pain” that’s “merely” emotional and not even physical!
I lost a lot of so called friends and family during this process because everyone thought I was being selfish and I needed to grow up!
The case with depression is you end up suffering alone; by yourself! No one to help you or understand you! Just people around you saying how you’ve changed and literally telling you to move on already everyday!
But like in horror movies, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel! I needed to get out of my comfort zone and fortunately for me I was literally thrown out of it!
I had to move in on my own by mid 2019 and I had no choice but to get my life together in order to pay my bills and take care of me in the way I’d grown accustomed to!
I struggled through my demons and swarm in hot larva just so I could see another light of day each morning and Alas! I made it. I had challenged myself to overcome these challenges within 6 months and by God’s grace and lots of therapy, I intentionally healed myself!
That experience taught me that there’s literally no one else you should love more than yourself and you’re the only one who could conquer your demons!
In the process I met amazing people along the way that really never gave up one me and I’ll always cherish them for encouraging me when I’d literally given up on life!
Ultimately, I learned to be vulnerable as I’d been strong for too long but in the process I also learned to love myself more!
I realized that a lot of my pain was from everything else on the outside. I took my self out of a toxic mental space and environment and I conquered.
Today, I now look towards Valentine’s Day because it’s not just a day to celebrate romantic love but most importantly it’s a Day to celebrate the greatest love of all; self love!
Many people think I’m conceited when I tell them I love myself way too much to ever settle or lose myself again!
Some people think I’m too much but you better believe it’s coming from a long way! I need to remind myself everyday that I’m blessed, beautiful, deserving of love and success!
In the end, for every storm that I’ve conquered, this was one of my hardest and I did it all by believing in myself more!
Because now I love myself more I don’t see myself ever slipping into that darkness again!
Happy Month of love!
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