It’s no one’s responsibility to heal you. No body is in charge of monitoring your triggers and walking around you carefully like you’re some delicate bomb ready to explode anytime .
No one should have to walk on eggshells around you because you are not doing the right steps and putting in the effort to heal.
I used to bask in my damage and brokenness. I was completely comfortable surviving on the failing crutches of my pain.
The warm embrace of depression covered me completely like a warm blanket in the cold of winter and I hugged it back even tighter.
Me and my depression had trauma bonded like how you would with a narcissist ; and we were quite enjoying our relationship.
My demons loved me and were always there for me in the dark of the night as I cried my eyes out when nobody else was there.
I loved them too. I never was alone when the lights went out!
Naturally, I saw no point of healing. I was loved by what tormented me and I was not alone as long as I held onto them tighter.
I was drowning and losing myself but I was so comforted because I was loved regardless of my brokenness ; by these things that lived in my head and didn’t quite want me dead but enjoyed torturing me.
I was breaking and functioning at the same time so I didn’t see the problem. Not many people did.
I was good at putting on the hugest fake smile and making cute social media videos and posts.
We were all living comfortably in my head even though I was dying slowly and they were getting louder.
Then one day I woke up and suddenly the room in my head had become too small to harbor so many demons.
I arose from my dark slumber and realized I was all alone because my demons had done a fantastic job of driving everyone around me away .
I was alone yet somehow they had even multiplied in my head. I fell down to my knees and screamed “get out!” For hours while I cried. I asked God , my doctors, my pastors and my parents to hold me while I finally released them all.
It was hard. They were many and they were resistant. They were clearly not ready to go!
In due time; the demons couldn’t handle the pressure! They were gone.
I was no longer imprisoned by them. I slowly worked on maneuvering my triggers and took charge of my life.
I felt so light after this! I was unintentionally holding myself prisoner by sinking into the comfort zone of depression!
I chose myself eventually and I from then on; didn’t allow any more demons to run my life as I was on autopilot.
I was ready to conquer the world again. I am ready to triumph 😊
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