Skip to main content

My forever puppy; Tino

I felt like I experienced all heart break until I mourned  out sharp cries while holding my fur baby in my arms hoping I could still revive him. 

He had just made five years old the previous week. We were happy for this wonderful life of our call fur of joy!

Anyone who knows me knows I loved my forever puppy Tino to death. I literally called him the love of my life. He was.

He got me out of depression and helped me heal a lot of wounds I couldn’t open up about . 

There are five  stage of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

7 pm I got a call from home that Tino was no more. I was in denial and very angry. I screamed at everyone and everyone who was home at the time. I couldn’t articulate anything. I was shattered!

I just couldn’t believe it. Something must be a mistake. I fell down and broke my glasses. I screamed until my head hurt and my ribs ached. 

Luckily my pastor friend had passed by earlier for some consultation and my aunt was at the salon too. They tried to talk to me and comfort me and also find out more information from people at home.

My pastor friend jumped into my car and drove me home while I cried and screamed. We reached home to his lifeless body but of course I refused to accept. He was only 5 years and we just celebrated his birthday. 

Is just given him some water in my bathroom and told his he was the “good-est boy” and I’d see him later. 

As we drove home my hopes were high as I knew I’d see my baby again and he’d be safely cuddling in my arms in no time . 

We were home in a matter of seconds and my salon isn’t so far from there.

  I collected his lifeless body still breathing CPR and hoping for a miracle. We prayed with my pastor friend and I pushed my hand down his throat hoping to save him. I was being hopeful. After all, my name is Hope. 

We called 6 vets as we drove off and rushed through jam to save my baby that was obviously gone. I asked God to take me instead . I blamed myself and everyone home at the time. 

Anger and denial made me curse everyone around. We reached the vet and we opened his mouth to sees the huge meat peace lodged in his throats . It was too late. I screamed and cried and cussed everyone around at the time. 

I wondered why I just was too busy to be at home with him in his final moments. I wanted to sue the supermarket where I got the meat and send the person who last fed him packing. 

I prayed it was a bad dream. I prayed everything wasn’t as it seemed but;  alas ! It was my worst nightmare confirmed. My baby was gone. 

Who was to comfort me when I was crying or sad or cramping? I was lost! I was unhinged! I ran away from home and all of my reality. I couldn’t face life anymore …

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The confines of depression

 It’s no one’s responsibility to heal you. No body is in charge of monitoring your triggers and walking around you carefully like you’re some  delicate bomb ready to explode anytime .  No one should have to walk on eggshells around you because you are not doing the right steps and putting in the effort to heal.  I used to bask in my damage and brokenness. I was completely comfortable surviving on the failing crutches of my pain.  The warm embrace of depression covered me completely like a warm blanket in the cold of winter and I hugged it back even tighter. Me and my depression had trauma bonded like how you would with a narcissist ; and we were quite enjoying our relationship. My demons loved me and were always there for me in the dark of the night as I cried my eyes out when nobody else was there. I loved them too. I never was alone when the lights went out! Naturally, I saw no point of healing. I was loved by what tormented me and I was not alone as long as I...
Post a Comment
Read more

African strength

You owe yourself a good life! You deserve to see all your dreams come true! African women are strong resilient women! We are hard working yet very feminine! We can carry babies on our backs and carry pots full of responsibility on your heads! Yet we still manage to kneel down to show respect to our elders and husbands.  We are an economic powerhouse that the world can no longer deny!  We stun on runways and we rock the white color jobs! There’s nothing in this world more beautiful than the dark rich chocolate melanin that drips of confidence and never aging; never fading beauty! Black women deserve happiness and softness and with our intelligence we can give ourselves a beautiful life.  I see women that haven’t gone to school make crafts out of beads and banana fibers. Now that’s raw art! I see women deep in the village fold grass into a beautiful weave to carry pots of water from the well.  An art form as beautiful as a bird’s delicately crafted nest.  Get up m...
Post a Comment
Read more