Chasing Happiness

"I'll be happy when I'm rich!"

I remember saying this out loud and my father smiled.
Embarrassed and annoyed, I turned and stared at him sharply!
I was angry with him for insinuating that I'd perhaps never be rich!
I stormed out of the family living room filled with resentment!

I turned and turned in bed at 16 years old that night wondering what the meaning of all this was!

I was high on hormones and my idea of happiness was finding a rich prince at 21 who would kiss me and we would ride into the sunset together and live in our big castle; happily ever after!

Little did I know that my idea of love and richness would be distorted once I turned 21 and three times more ones I was over 25.

I was a romantic with the typical idea of life like that in the fairy tales!
If Cinderella could do it and she was a maid, how about me who grew up with much more privilege!

I binged on the idea of love and richness being my ultimate source of happiness!
In my head I was entitled to the best. After all, I was the daughter of the most high!

My fixation on happiness and money consumed me as I went into the business world!
I was the prize! I built my own company from scratch at just 22 and by God I was striving!
I must have attracted the best from there on right?

Well wrong! I went through heartbreak, disappointment and depression before I could become who I was!

I wallowed in self pity and sunk into my blanket and pillow crying to Universe what the hell I did to deserve this!

I wasn't by any means perfect or a saint but I gave my best!
Or so I thought!

Suddenly my dad's reaction begun to make sense!
Happiness could never come from wealth or a person.
Happiness comes from experiences that molded you and the strength to overcome!

I felt a smile creep upon myself as I drove out today for no reason.
I hadn't been truly happy in a year but today as I listened to "keep holding on" by Avril, I stepped the accelerator and lowered my window!

The wind slid in through the window and caressed my cheek!
Happiness teased my neck and I smiled!
All this while I was holding her hostage deep within me!

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