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Showing posts from January, 2023

The confines of depression

 It’s no one’s responsibility to heal you. No body is in charge of monitoring your triggers and walking around you carefully like you’re some  delicate bomb ready to explode anytime .  No one should have to walk on eggshells around you because you are not doing the right steps and putting in the effort to heal.  I used to bask in my damage and brokenness. I was completely comfortable surviving on the failing crutches of my pain.  The warm embrace of depression covered me completely like a warm blanket in the cold of winter and I hugged it back even tighter. Me and my depression had trauma bonded like how you would with a narcissist ; and we were quite enjoying our relationship. My demons loved me and were always there for me in the dark of the night as I cried my eyes out when nobody else was there. I loved them too. I never was alone when the lights went out! Naturally, I saw no point of healing. I was loved by what tormented me and I was not alone as long as I...

Releasing oneself

 To say 2022 was overwhelming is an understatement. I had the worst beginning of the year until the start of the last quarter of the year.  My depression was on an all time high; there was chaos after chaos.  My house was on fire and nothing could extinguish it. My anxiety was through the roof. I was on meds after meds. I got premature low blood pressure for a spell but in the end I survived and I'm completely cured now. Last year I was going through lots of drastic changes from; emotional, financial, mental and spiritual.  I was living in pain and agony for years prior to 2022. I was literally in survival mode for about 7 years of my life.  I barely slept, ate or couldn't stop myself from crying ; every night and sometimes days. Consequently,  I had to move back to my parent's home. I literally needed that break after four years of living with  no real general direction.  I had so much pressure on myself to be perfect even if I had very little pr...